Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
