Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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