If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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