We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
