omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
