WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't put those talents on a resume
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
