Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
