My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
