I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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