I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
