I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
