Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
