omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
