Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
