hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
there is puke in my bra ... again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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