You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A bitchslap is in order.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
