Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize