I'll bet she douches with gravy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
