And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
