I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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