Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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