Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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