I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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