U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
