I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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