took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
