I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
