i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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