There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
