Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
