tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
