Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
