someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
