Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
