woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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