the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
