Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
