At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
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Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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