I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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