My friends, they love my intelligence
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
