"it" just moved
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
