the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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