yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
