whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Four minutes until I can fart!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
