Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
