I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
