batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
