Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
