omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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