hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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