I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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