All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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