the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
