Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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