I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she woke up with a sticky ear
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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