i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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