Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
