Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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