Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
