My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Two words: nipple clamps
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
