I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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