have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
