Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
