32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
