theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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