so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
