I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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