I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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