How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
