Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
