yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
