Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
