You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
