I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
