so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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