Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
