Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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