Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
