please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize